In Your Love
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: After Marissa dies in childbirth, Ryan finds himself unable to handle the life that follows. So he leaves New Port and his infant daughter behind. Seth and Summer raise the child as their own and have the perfect life until one day Ryan returns.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Characters from _The O.C. _don't belong to me. Everyone else does.

A/N: So, after the success of my first long _O.C. _fic, "Hero", I thought that I'd write another one. Now, this fic is a little darker then any of the others I've written, so you've been given fair warning. But don't let that steer you away. Just review and let me know what you think and, of course, enjoy!

Prologue

Ryan Atwood didn't believe that women still died in childbirth. It seemed so _The Little House on the Prairie_, a danger that was no longer real, something read about in ancient stories, something that no longer happened. It was one of the fears that had never entered his mind since learning his wife of two years was pregnant. He was still having a hard time allowing the words to enter his head now.

And so Ryan sat in the tiny plastic chair in a stark white hospital waiting room with a nameless doctor sitting beside him and several other expectant fathers trying not to stare. "Mr. Atwood?" The doctor chanced, attempting to jar Ryan out of his stony state. "Mr. Atwood?"

Ryan blinked and looked at the mind. "Yes?" He mumbled, as though he expected to hear something different from the doctor now. He didn't want to hear again that his wife was dead.

The doctor didn't look at all surprised by his lack of attachment. "Mr. Atwood, there were complications with your wife's labor." He said, expanding on what he had said moments earlier. "She lost too much blood, her body was too weak to handle the contractions-"

Ryan watched him closely. "Are you trying to tell me that my wife bled to death?" He questioned with a calmness that scared him. "While having our baby?" He stared at the doctor who had just told him that his Marissa was dead. Suddenly, he hated him.

Slowly, the doctor nodded. "Yes. Uh...we're still trying to figure out exactly what happened but that's not our area of expertise." He swallowed.

Before he could say anything more, Ryan spoke. "Why couldn't you help you?" He questioned. The doctor had no answer. "Why wasn't I there?" For that he blamed himself, allowing the doctors to so easily usher him out of the room when things had started to go wrong. All Ryan could see in the back of his mind were Marissa's frightened eyes as he was being led out of the room by a nurse. "Our baby." His wife had whispered with tears running down her cheeks. If only then they had known that the baby wasn't the only one in danger.

Ryan wished that he felt something about not thinking of his child until that moment but he couldn't. All he could think about was Marissa.

The doctor was silent, unable to think of an answer to his question. "Sometimes these things happen," he told Ryan slowly, "and no one really _knows _why-"

"Oh, don't feed me that bullshit." Ryan snapped. "My wife is dead, I don't want to hear about God's plan."

The doctor didn't seem surprised by his anger; the other soon-to-be fathers in the room were watching him with false looks of sympathy. Ryan could tell that inside they were counting their blessings, thanking God that they had been passed over that evening.

So suddenly that Ryan had no idea what had brought them on, tears filled his eyes. "My wife is dead." He mumbled, pressing his hands against his face. "Oh Marissa." He moaned.

Not once in his life had Ryan ever believed that things would end up like this. After surviving the trails of high school and life in New Port, California together, Ryan and Marissa had decided that it would suit them better to just be friends. They went through college that way, tagging around with their best friends and the perfect couple, Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts, still trying to make sense of the drama that had ruled their teenage years.

Everything had changed one night when Marissa had come to his dorm room and had told him that, among other things, being away from him was too difficult. From that night on, Ryan hadn't let her out of his sight and, though they had only been married two years, it might as well have been a lifetime.

And now, here was a doctor he had never seen before in his life, telling him that his beautiful wife was dead. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that all future tears were quelled and lifted his head. "I want to see her." He told the man.

The doctor looked perplexed. "Who?" He questioned, sincerely surprised by Ryan's request.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "Who?" He repeated, somewhat angrily. "My wife."

"Mr. Atwood," the doctor began carefully, "right now, I don't believe that's a good idea. Perhaps you should call some family and then later you can-"

Ryan stood abruptly, cutting the man off before he could finish. "You cannot tell me that I cannot see my wife." The doctor had no response. "I want to see her."

More tears came then before Ryan could do anything to stop them. He suddenly knew that he would never really see Marissa again. There was only the shell of Marissa left now and that shell wouldn't laugh, or smile or tell him that she loved him. Ryan's world was crumbling around him and he couldn't even hold a single piece together.

Ryan wasn't even aware that he was being lead out of the waiting room by the doctor. He wasn't aware of anything anymore.

* * *

"I hope it's a baby girl." Summer Cohen said to her husband as they entered the hospital. Needless to say, they were both excited about the first edition to their extended family but Summer was more then willing to speak for both of them.

Seth rolled his eyes gamely. "I hope not." He mumbled. "You'll have that kid spoiled rotten by the time it gets out of the hospital."

Summer smiled. "I don't see anything wrong with being spoiled." Case in point, the fact that her arms were laden with stuffed toys and other assorted gifts for the baby. And, of course, a bouquet for the mommy.

Seth knew that the presents for the infant were the reason that it had taken them almost an hour to get to the hospital after Marissa had called, full of excitement. Summer had spent the better part of that hour, tearing through a baby-store, claiming that none of the toys were safe for newborns before buying most of them.

And now, here they were, having missed the first moments of their new niece of nephew's life because of a stuffed hippopotamus. Seth now knew that the animal was safe for a baby, because it had fabric eyes, which was more then he ever wanted to know. All he wanted to do was see his brother and sister-in-law and their new baby.

"So, Cohen," Summer said, pulling Seth from his thoughts. "When are we going to have a baby?"

Seth raised an eyebrow. It was only lately that Summer had been getting serious about having children; they had been married for almost five years but she had never expressed the desire to start a family. Now it seemed as though her mind was starting to turn away from her job as a fashion designer, attempting to open her own boutique in downtown New Port, and toward having children to occupy her time with instead. "Well, I don't see why we can't-"

His reply was silenced on his lips upon seeing his mother, Kirsten Cohen, standing in the middle of a waiting room with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. When she saw them, she turned paler then she already was, and started in their direction.

Summer felt her heart begin pounding rapidly in her chest, her blood growing cold and her legs going week. "Oh God." She whispered. "What's happened to her?"

Seth would never know how Summer seemed to know that the reason for his mother's tears was Marissa but he would always attribute it to the instinct that developed after you knew a person for so many years. But that was hardly the thought going through his mind as Kirsten stood before them; he just wanted to hear that everyone was all right and those were just tears of joy.

"Summer," Kirsten whispered, resting her shaky hand against Summer's pale cheek. This action caused her daughter-in-law to drop the items in her hands and take a step back, as though it would keep her from hearing what Kirsten had to say. "I'm so sorry baby." More tears fell onto Kirsten's cheeks.

Seth managed to catch Summer as she collapsed, not quite into a faint but simply because her legs could no longer support her. By then she was already crying, even though nothing concrete had been said but Seth knew that there didn't have to be. The look in his mother's eyes said everything.

And still he had to ask. Cradling his wife against his chest, Seth looked at his mother. "Mom," his voice was growing taunt and hoarse, "what happened?"

Summer shuddered in his arms, unwilling to listen, and pulled herself to her feet. "Please," she whispered to Kirsten, "tell me it was the baby." Though she hated every ounce of herself for wishing for the death of a newborn, she couldn't bare the thought of losing her best friend, her sister. She couldn't lose Marissa.

Kirsten opened her mouth to speak, but could form no words. Instead, she just shook her head and managed to mumble the name, "Marissa." Summer let out a strangled cry and whirled in Seth's direction, pressing her face into his chest, body racked with sobs. Seth put his arms around her, holding her but doing nothing to verbally console her. There would be no point.

"How?" Seth said to his mother, who had begun crying again. Kirsten shook her head once more, shrugging helplessly. He swallowed and asked, "Where's Ryan?"

"He's with your father." Kirsten answered, wiping her eyes. "Seth, he hasn't said a word."

Seth could only imagine; Marissa had been Ryan's whole world, there was nothing more important to him. He couldn't even begin to think about what it would be like to loose Summer; he wouldn't have the strength to say anything either.

"I want to see him." Seth told Kirsten, knowing that he would not be denied his request.

Kirsten only nodded.

* * *

Summer sat in a cramped doctor's office, sandwiched between Seth and Sandy, fingering the fuzzy ear of the stuffed hippopotamus and listening to a balding doctor tell her how her best friend had died. She could see Ryan sitting motionless beside her husband, neither of them speaking as the doctor tried to give them the best explanation. Only Kirsten was crying now; Summer figured that she had slipped into shock, repressing her sobs for the following weeks.

Once the doctor had finished his choppy explanation, the room filled with silence. Moments passed before Sandy cleared his throat and asked the question that had been weighing heavily on everyone's minds. "What about the baby?"

Ryan didn't even move when Sandy mentioned his newborn child; it was as though they were speaking of someone else's family and he was just watching, unaffected by it all. Seth looked over at his brother, praying for some reaction, praying to see a little of the old Ryan in there somewhere but there was nothing. Ryan was dying inside and it was a silent demise.

The doctor almost appeared to brighten slightly. "Miraculously, the child was born without complications." He told them, looking at Ryan. "You've got a beautiful baby girl down in the nursery."

Summer felt as though someone were tearing her heart into pieces. One girl had been ripped out of the world so that another could be born, it seemed; the girl that Marissa had dreamed of. Tears pricked her eyes then and she pressed her face against the clean, sterile smelling fabric of the stuffed animal. Seth reached over and took her hand, squeezing tightly, though she didn't really mind. It was better to feel a different kind of pain.

Ryan was aware that all eyes were on his, but that didn't make it any harder not to care that his daughter had survived where his wife hadn't. This wasn't right, this was not how it was supposed to be; by this time he was supposed to have a family, a complete family, with Kirsten and Sandy acting as overbearing grandparents and Summer running around the hospital room making sure that mommy and baby were happy. And he and Marissa were supposed to complete the picture as the perfect parents, holding their child and imagining all the things that would come for her in the future; they would name her, imagine what she would be like, all the ways she would make them proud.

Without Marissa, Ryan couldn't bring himself to imagine those things. There should be no baby without Marissa and he knew that if he had the choice, he would give back his daughter in a heartbeat. All he wanted was his wife, whom he knew better then he knew himself, not some daughter-stranger that had taken her away from him. Taken her place.

Kirsten seemed to sense his lack of reaction and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Ryan." she said gently, "Don't you want to see her?"

Ryan pushed her hand away. "Not right now." He mumbled simply.

Seth thought about arguing with him but there was no point. A man shouldn't be forced to see his daughter when he was still grieving for his wife.

* * *

Summer stared past her own reflection into the large nursery before her, which was filled with many tiny babies, all wrapped in cotton blankets, blinking and trying to adjust to this strange new world. She could tell right away that the one crying, unable to be comforted by the nurse on duty, was her best friend's child. The baby girl seemed to sense something was wrong, that this world wasn't the one she had been promised and she could not be consoled. Summer wanted to go in and take the baby and hold her against her chest. "I know baby," she would whisper, "I miss her too."

A tear slipped down her cheek and Seth wiped it away before she had the chance to. Summer looked at her husband, whose face mirrored her own, a reflection of her grief. He and known Marissa as long as she had and they had both lost the same piece of their heart.

They were standing alone in front of the nursery, aside from another father, who was smiling at a baby and waving occasionally. Seth knew that Ryan should be doing the same, making sure his tiny daughter knew who he was but he was nowhere to be found at the moment. Nearly an hour ago, Ryan and Sandy had gone into the parking lot to be away from the hospital and they had yet to return. Kirsten was talking with the doctors and calling up Jimmy Cooper and Julie Cooper-Barnes, who had been rushing toward the hospital to see their grandchild.

This left Seth and Summer the only people to watch the tiny infant, to make sure that she wasn't completely alone. They were the only ones to make sure that when she cried, she was held and when she was hungry, she was fed. Summer looked back into the nursery, where the tiny baby was still being rocked by the plump nurse that was not her mother.

Summer wished that Marissa could see her beautiful child, with her wide eyes and tiny fingers, curled in a fist. She lightly touched the glass with her fingers and whispered, "Madison," so softly that she wasn't even sure if she had spoken.

But she had and Seth looked over at her, confused. "What?"

Summer didn't look away from the baby. "Madison." She reached. "That's what Marissa wanted to name her." Another tear slipped down her cheeks. "Madison Atwood."

Seth slipped his arm around his wife's waist. "We'll get through this." He promised, kissing her cheek. He looked at the baby. "I promise."

* * *

The baby, still nameless for Summer didn't have the heart to bring up Marissa's wishes around Ryan, was released from the hospital the following day to a father that had never seen her. In the hours she had been believe, Ryan had expressed no desire to see the child that had taken his wife from him and when Kirsten brought the child out into the waiting room, wrapped in a tiny pink blanket, with a forced smile on her face, Ryan just stared at the baby.

"Go ahead." Kirsten urged gently. "Hold her." She attempted to place the baby in his arms but Ryan stepped back, making it clear that he didn't want to touch the child, not yet. Kirsten looked surprised and hurt for the baby's sake and pressed the child closer against her chest, looking at Ryan with a strange look on her face. "Ryan, she's your daughter." She said frankly, as though this fact had escaped him somehow.

Ryan didn't look at her. "I'll be in the car." He mumbled. Before anyone could say anything more, he turned and headed into the parking lot.

As soon as he left, the baby started to cry, instantly catching the attention of every member of the extended Atwood, Cooper and Cohen family. Kirsten attempted to sooth the baby, rocking back and worth but her actions were to no avail and the child continued to scream.

Summer reached for the child and slipped her from Kirsten's grasp, kissing her tiny forehead and locks of baby-hair fuzz and holding her against her shoulder. "She misses her mommy." She mumbled to no one, holding the baby tightly.

"She needs her daddy." Julie remarked, crossing her arms over her shoulder. Her third husband, Robert Barnes, rested his hand on her shoulder, a silent warning that now was not the time to get into anything. In the ten years they had been married, Barnes had learned how to put up with what the New Port locals had deemed The Julie Cooper Experience and could understand her constant mood swings better then anyone else ever could. And he was channeling one now.

Julie, however, didn't appear to get the message and looked almost accusingly at Sandy and Kirsten. "What is wrong with him?" Though she had long got pass disapproving of her first daughter's husband, she still didn't approve of the fact that he was from Chino.

"He just lost his wife." Sandy defended, though he was beginning to wonder the same thing. "Give him some time."

Julie huffed. "What is that baby supposed to do until he's had enough time?" She questioned, looking over at her tiny granddaughter. "Who will take care of her until then?"

Everyone turned in the direction of Summer, who had finally gotten the baby to stop crying. Kirsten sighed and looked around at the faces of all the people who were waiting around to learn the tiny baby's every whim. "I don't think that will be a problem."


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

Summer didn't think she had been through anything more hellish then the funeral for her best friend. The weather had suddenly turned bitingly cold, the chill slicing through the inadequate California winter coats of the massive crowd that had turned up to see Marissa Cooper-Atwood lowered into Restfield Cemetery. She had stood beside Seth, holding the baby against her chest, looking down occasionally to make sure that the child was still sleeping. She wished that she could be as unaware as the baby, sleeping through the funeral of her mother, as though it was a normal day and a normal naptime.

The following wake was held at the Cohen's and Summer thought that even more people had arrived to express their condolences then had shown up then at the funeral. By the time her father and newest step-mother showed up, her mascara was running down her cheeks and her appearance was no longer respectable but she didn't care. It wasn't every day that you buried your best friend and she thought that she deserved her tears and her unkempt appearance.

At first, Seth had followed her around almost constantly but after a while they were both too exhausted to put forth the effort and he had taken to sitting on the couch, tickling the baby girl's feet in an attempt to make her smile. Summer didn't have the heart to tell him that newborn's didn't smile, not even for their mothers, but he looked so content with the baby that she just stood in the kitchen and watched them. She knew right then that Seth was going to make a great father one day and this whole thing had made her realize how precious family and time was and she was going to put off having both of those things with Seth any longer.

Beside her, Julie suddenly through her half-empty glass of Chardonnay into the sink, causing it to shatter on impact and Summer and Kirsten, who were getting a start on wishing the piles of dishes, had to duck out of the way to avoid being sliced. Afraid of what she might see, Kirsten turned to face Julie, who was standing motionless and staring into the sink as though nothing had happened, tears running down her cheeks.

"Where is he?" She hissed slowly, looking away from the sink and toward Kirsten and Summer. A small crowd had gathered to watch the infamous Julie Cooper and a hush had descended in the house. "It's my goddamn daughter's funeral, where is he?"

Kirsten knew that she was speaking of Ryan and wished that she knew the answer to her question. After the funeral, Ryan had returned to the house and vanished before any of the mourners could arrive to pat him on the back and tell him how sorry they were. She understood his decision to back away from the false sympathies but clearly Julie did not.

Summer stepped forward and took her best friend's mother by the arm. "Julie, why don't you go upstairs and lie down." She suggested, leading her out of the kitchen and toward the winding staircase.

Julie nodded numbly, tears rolling across her cheeks. She looked back at Kirsten. "I'm sorry I broke your glass." She said with detachment.

Kirsten waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, we've got plenty." She assured the woman. Kirsten knew that if either of her sons died, she would say anything and do anything to keep from remembering that fact and if Julie wanted to talk about breaking wine glasses and she could talk for hours.

Summer led Julie upstairs and they soon disappeared from the prying eyes of New Port's elite who had turned up just to catch a glimpse of the grieving woman. and to make Marissa's funeral the latest event on their social calendar. The whole damn community made Kirsten sick and she wanted to scream that at them suddenly but managed to swallow her words; a wake was hardly the place to stir up something.

In the living room, the baby had apparently had enough of Seth's tickles and started crying, her tiny legs kicking, waving her fists in the air. Seth lifted the baby and kissed her on the forehead, unaware that his mother was watching him closely. "Shh, Maddy." He whispered, rocking the screaming infant. Everyone had taken to calling the child some variation of the name Madison, aside from Ryan who had yet to hold his daughter and seemed more then happy not calling her anything at all.

Kirsten watched her son with a growing sense of warmth spreading throughout her body; Seth was every bit his father's son, kind and caring and gentle. His entire life he had taken it upon himself to shelter the broken and alone and make them whole again, just as he had done with Summer. Suddenly, she knew that he was going to do the same thing with this child.

Seth stood, still rocking the baby and headed for the kitchen. Kirsten reached for the baby, but her son pulled just out of her reach, unwilling to give up the newborn. "I'm going to find Ryan." He told her. Kirsten nodded; they had given up saying that baby Madison needed her father because they had stopped thinking that was true. Now she needed her aunt and uncle and her grandparents.

Seth left the kitchen and headed for the pool house, where Ryan still retreated when things got too rough handle. He hadn't been there in years, while he had been making his perfect life with Marissa, but if he ever needed the refuge, it would be now. He pressed the baby close against him to protect her from the chill as he walked the short distance from the patio toward the pool house, wishing that he had thought to grab a coat. The baby was so small, Seth didn't want to think about her catching a cold.

When he opened the pool house door and stepped inside, he wasn't surprised to find Ryan sprawled across what had once been his bed, surrounded by pillows and crumbled architectural plans. Once he had graduated from college, he had taken over the New Port Group, snatching it from the then Julie Nichol's hands and becoming vice president within his first year, ranking just under Kirsten. They often used the pool house as their unofficial office whenever things got too hectic in the office and more space was needed then could be provided by the kitchen table. Seth had always figured that he would have been jealous about Ryan instantly assuming his role in the "family" business but architecture was only vaguely interesting to him. In all truth, he was more interested in his father's practice then his mothers, but he wasn't going to say that to either parent.

Ryan didn't so much as bat an eyelid when Seth entered, quietly kicking the door closed behind him. The pool house was relatively warm and he felt himself relax about the likely-hood of Madison catching a cold. Almost instantly, he felt foolish for thinking such thoughts; he was behaving like the father, not the uncle. It should be Ryan worrying about whether his daughter was going to become ill, not him.

"Hey," Seth greeted causally, sitting on the edge of the bed. "How are you holding up?"

Ryan sighed and continued staring at the ceiling. "I just went to my wife's funeral." He mumbled. "How would you feel."

"Like shit." Seth answered promptly. He sighed. "People have been asking about you."

Ryan sat up and looked at Seth, not even glancing down at his wide-eyed daughter. "What people?" He questioned, though he wasn't too interested.

"Julie and Jimmy." Seth told him. "And Mom and Dad. Summer and I were worried about you too."

"Don't worry." Ryan instructed without much emotion. "I'm fine."

Seth sighed once again. "You don't have to be fine Ryan, no one's fine right now." He told the boy that was more like his brother then anything else. "But if you're fine, then why haven't you held your daughter?"

Ryan looked down at the baby as though he hadn't noticed her before. "You can't understand, Seth." He said finally, his voice low. Seth watched him closely. "She took Marissa from me."

"You can't think like that." Seth said, somewhat horrified that Ryan could even think like that. This baby was his own flesh and blood, not some nameless mugger who had killed Marissa. What happened to Marissa had been an accident and it was stupid to place the blame on an infant. "She's your baby; she's what you've got left of Marissa and-"

"But I don't want her to be what's left of Marissa." Ryan interrupted. "I want her to be just another part of Marissa, another part of our lives together. And now I'll never have that."

Seth glared at him, feeling anger creeping into his body. He tried to understand where Ryan was coming from but he found it impossible to do so, even when he placed himself in his brother's place; if Summer had died as Marissa had, he would never cast his child aside. He could keep her near and protect her always, just as he would have done with Summer. He would never want to take the chance of losing her as well. "You can't act like that." Seth told him. "She's your daughter and your responsibility. And she needs her father."

Ryan sat up, swinging his legs onto the floor and standing, keeping his back to Seth. "It seems like she's doing just fine without him." He mumbled, heading for the pool house door. Seth stood as well, planning on cutting Ryan off before he could make his exit. "Seth," Ryan turned to look at him, "I need to be alone. Please."

A moment passed between them and Seth remained where he was, silently seeming to give Ryan the permission that he didn't need to leave the pool house. The door slammed shut behind Ryan as he hurried across the yard, heading away from the house and down the hill toward the old Cooper house. Seth watched him until he had vanished from sight but still kept an eye on the spot Ryan had disappeared, as though he expected him to return seconds later, having come to his senses.

He remained standing there for a long time but Ryan never returned.

Kirsten expected Ryan to return after the last mourners had cleared out from the house but that was slowly beginning to appear as though it wouldn't be the case. She stood in the kitchen with Summer and Sandy, washing the mountains of dishes that had been used during the afternoon. Julie was passed out on the couch from a mixture of grief and alcohol and her husband was sitting in the living room, watching his remaining step-daughter and his son as they played a video game on mute.

Seth was sitting at the kitchen table, telling Madison a story as she sat in her car-seat, which hadn't been used for its purpose but had instead been posing as her cradle. Ryan hadn't been home since Marissa's death and so the seat was the only baby-gear that they had access to for the moment, aside from the stuffed hippopotamus that Summer had bought nights ago.

Summer smiled faintly as she listened to her husband speak to the baby. "Peter didn't notice the spider crawling across his hand until it bit his finger." Seth was saying, relating his creation of his favorite comic book super-hero. "But by then it was too late because the spider was genetically altered and-"

"Cohen," Summer admonished half-heartedly, "don't tell her those stories. She'll end up a dork, just like you." Seth looked at her but didn't say anything. "Isn't that right, Madison?" The baby gurgled.

Seth looked at his wife. "I'm just trying to keep her amused." He told her, though he knew that Summer's joking was only that. "Why don't you tell her a story and I'll do the dishes."

Summer retrieved her hands from the soapy water gratefully. "Good, I'm beginning to wrinkle." She wiped her hands across Seth's shirt in passing, kissing him on the cheek and took his seat in front of the baby. "Okay," she began, "there was once a place called The Valley, where beautiful, rich teenagers lived-"

Seth rolled his eyes. "Of course, I should have guessed." He mumbled. "That baby doesn't stand a chance."

Robert Barnes, Julie's quiet husband, entered the kitchen and smiled faintly at the baby. "She's going to look just like her mother." He remarked, almost to himself as he stepped toward Kirsten and Sandy. "Anything I can do to lend a hand?"

Kirsten shook her head. "No, unless you want to take some of these dishes to your house and wash them." She suggested jokingly. "But I think you'll have your hands full with Julie."

Sandy looked at the woman in question before looking back at Barnes. "How's she doing?" He questioned.

Barnes sighed and looked back at his wife. "Not so hot." He said truthfully. "It's hit her really hard."

"I know how she feels." Summer mumbled. But she didn't have the luxury of downing a bottle of wine and passing out of the couch, hoping to wake up when things had blown over and it hurt a little less to be awake.

But then again, Summer doubted that it would ever hurt less then it did.

It was only when Ryan didn't return the following day that Kirsten began to feel worry creeping into her mind. Any other time, she would have doubted that Ryan would do something irrational but this was no other time and irrational actions were the only actions Ryan was capable of.

Seth knew, without a doubt, that his brother was not going to return. He had known when he had looked into Ryan's eyes the previous afternoon; he had the look of a man that was leaving it all behind even though he know there was nothing left to stay for. This was something that Seth could not comprehend; Ryan had plenty to stay for and he was holding the biggest reason in his arms.

It was only when Seth found his wife in the kitchen rocking the baby to sleep that he voiced his suspicions. He sat down at the kitchen table and watched her. "Ryan's not coming back."

Summer stopped rocking and looked at him. "What? How do you know?" The baby, who was almost asleep, began wailing when the rocking stopped but both Cohens ignored her for the moment.

Seth sighed; there was no certain way to explain how he had known, the moment of complete understanding that had entered his mind as he had walked his friend, his brother, walk away from the pool house. It was something he just knew, just as Summer had known that her best friend had met her untimely end. It was something that he didn't understand completely himself. "I saw it in his eyes." Seth explained as best he could. "The way he looked...he's never looked like that before."

Summer managed to quiet the baby as she walked across the kitchen and knelt beside her husband, kissing him gently on the forehead. "You don't know for sure." She told him, trailing the fingers of her free hand along his cheek. "Ryan just needs some time. He'll come back."

Seth sighed once more, brushing Summer's long black locks away from her face. "I wish I was so sure."

A part of Seth was still hoping that Summer was right, that Ryan would return one afternoon and be ready to face the life he would be leading without Marissa. He hoped that his brother would return for his daughter, for his family and the life he had built for himself in New Port. It had been a long way to the top, but now he had reached the last rung, as the vice president of a million-dollar real estate company and now the father of a beautiful baby girl.

But Ryan had not returned and could not be found, despite everyone's best efforts. Sandy and Jimmy were out almost every afternoon looking him and Seth believed that they had covered most of California. Julie even went so far as to drive down to Chino herself and search around for the widower, but her search was just as fruitless as the others. Summer had even called Teresa, Ryan's ex-girlfriend and greatest confidant outside of Marissa but the frazzled young woman hadn't heard from Ryan in nearly fifteen years.

Seth knew that they would never uncover him. Ryan had been born and bred to make himself scare and all his years in New Port couldn't break him from that training. If Ryan didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be, even if he was still in New Port. It was a battle they had already lost and one that would have be abandoned shortly for more important matters.

Those matters dealt with the suddenly "orphaned" Baby Atwood, who was still nameless in legal terms and suddenly out both parents. Summer stood by the baby's newly purchased bassinet, courtesy of her Aunt Caitlin, and watched the child sleep. It seemed so unreal, so un-human, to leave a child before it was even old enough to lift her head and every ounce of Summer hated Ryan for what he had done. But, even more, she missed Marissa and wished that her friend could be here to stare down at the sleeping angel, with her husband beside her.

For the past week, Summer had found herself consumed with caring for the baby, all other priorities in her life suddenly put on hold. She hadn't been home for more then a few hours since learning of Marissa's death and her mind hadn't moved past caring for someone, whether it was the baby or someone who just couldn't handle life for the moment. Before Marissa's death, she had been working almost non-stop on her attempt at starting her own clothing line, ignoring Seth for the most part as she scrawled out designs and called up fabric suppliers.

Though she knew that Seth didn't blame her for her scarcity, Summer hated herself for it. How could she have acted like that, taking her friends for granted and her husband, believing that her life would always be the way it was. She never thought that one day she'd wake up to find that her best friend was dead and be forced to look back on her own life only to realize that what she saw didn't please her. If only Seth had been stubborn enough to drag her out of the room that had been dubbed The Workshop and force her to spend much-needed time with him. Summer knew that she loved Seth with all of her heart, she was just bad at showing it.

But now, now she wouldn't make that mistake again. She wouldn't spend another minute wondering if she had told Seth how much she loved him, wondering when the last time they had kissed had been, or the last time they had just been together. Things would be different, though just then she didn't know how different.

While Summer was watching the baby peacefully sleep, Seth found himself downstairs in the living room with his parents and Marissa's. He had found himself drawn into their conversation in passing, as soon as he had heard them mention the baby and knew that, once again, they were talking about what the child's fate would be.

Turning the child over to an adoption agency had been ruled out long ago, so long, in fact, that Seth wondered if it had ever been a possibility. But the problem of who would become legal guardian of the baby, until Ryan returned, though no one believed that he would, still remained.

That afternoon, the adults had decided that it was going to have be solved, one way or the other.

"I cannot raise a child." Julie said, seeming to be the only person in the room who wanted to bring that fact up. "Look at how Marissa and Caitlin turned out." She had stopped denying that she hadn't been the best mother and had made the respectable changes when her last child and first son had been born ten years ago.

Sandy sighed and nodded in slow agreement to Julie's statement. "By the time the child's in middle school, we'll all be too old to walk her to the bus stop without some kind of assistance." That was the first time Seth had ever heard his father admit to the fact that he was growing out. That scared Seth more then he liked; he wanted to believe that his father would always be youthful Sandy Cohen, crusading for the needy and surfing when he wasn't.

Kirsten buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what to do." She admitted. "Maybe if we're involved in the process of finding her a decent home, working with an adoption-"

"No." Seth interrupted before his mother had the chance to finish. "You can't do that to her, there's not telling where she'll wind up in five years." He couldn't bare the thought of his little niece being shuttled from family to family, never understanding what fantastic people her parents had been. Never understanding why she wasn't with them.

Kirsten looked up at her son at the same time Julie spoke. "Can you think of any alternatives? Because I sure as hell don't want to send my only grandchild away." Seth could see that her heart was in her words, reflected in the tears shining in her eyes.

Seth nodded slowly, his heart suddenly heavy in his chest. "Yes." He told them. He didn't think he had ever been so scared in his life, but he didn't allow himself to think about what he was about to do for even a second, because his fear would win over. "Summer and I will take her."

Jimmy looked Seth with a surprised expression on his face. "You and Summer?" He repeated. "And what makes you think you can raise her?" But he knew his heart had already agreed to the idea and that there was nothing he could say that would talk him out of it.

"We can raise her." Seth told Jimmy, knowing that his words were the truth. "We've been having trouble having our own kids...she can be our first."

Kirsten took her son's hand. "Seth, I don't think you understand how hard it can be raising a child." She told him. "What sort of life you'll have when you suddenly have a baby."

"And what can of life can _we _have wondering forever where she is and if she's being treated decently?" Seth asked his mother. He looked at four pairs of eyes that her focused completely on him. "You might not think I'm ready but there's nothing you can say to keep me from taking her. Ryan would have wanted it." He sighed. "_Marissa _would have wanted it."

Sandy nodded, feeling a pride for his son greater then any he had ever felt before. "You'll make a great father, son." He whispered, wishing that he was closer to Seth in order to pull his son to him. It seemed like just yesterday he had held Seth in his arms and thought about how his life was going to change. And now it was going to happen to his son and he couldn't be prouder.

Seth found Summer in his old room, sitting on his bed and watching the baby sleep with an odd sort of detachment. He had seen the look on her face more and more frequently and knew that she was thinking about Marissa, years gone past. Wordlessly, he sat down on the bed next to her and watched the baby that would soon become his daughter.

"Summer," Seth began, taking her hand and causing her to look at him. "I have to talk to you about something and-"

"The answer is yes." Summer interrupted. "I want her." Seth didn't give himself the chance to think about how Summer knew as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, kissing the crown of her head. Summer was crying softly, the reason for her tears a mixed one; she missed her friend deeply, but she was suddenly overwhelmingly happy.

When they finally pulled away, Seth and Summer both found themselves looking at the baby once more. Seth took his wife's hand again and squeezed gently. "Do you think we're ready for this?"

Summer sighed. "We don't have much choice, do we?"


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

It was quite a change, having a baby in the house. Seth was no certain that his house was too big (he could practically hear the New Port social elite gasp at that statement) and that he wouldn't be able to hear the baby when she cried. Summer seemed to feel the same way and baby Madison Cooper Cohen, as she had finally been named the day before, spent her first week in a bassinette in their master bedroom. Summer argued that this was for the best anyway, so that she'd have the chance to decorate Madison's room in the way she had always dreamed of decorating her daughter's room: in pink.

And that was how Seth found most of the house when he came home from a job which he hated, eager to see his wife and daughter. He was surprised at how easy it was to think of Madison as _his _daughter instead of a child he really shared no blood with, the daughter of his missing adopted brother and his dead sister-in-law.

However, upon entering the house, Seth paused at the door, frowning in surprise when he saw that two walls of the living room had become nearly Pepdo Bismal pink, with his beautiful wife holding the paintbrush. Summer was humming along with the radio, which was on low seeing as Madison was asleep in her portable crib, with her hair pulled back beneath a bandana and a pair of his over-alls on, which were already splotched with paint.

"Summer," Seth began, startling his wife since she hadn't heard him enter. "What are you doing?" He was almost afraid to know.

"Practicing." Summer answered as she turned to face him. "I want Madison's room to be perfect."

Seth finally got up the courage to step away from the foyer and enter his newly pink living room. "You could have practiced on a piece of wood." He pointed out. "What made you think that painting the living room would be a good idea?" Once again, he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

Summer sighed, turning off the radio. "Don't you like this color?" She questioned, seeming to effortlessly change the subject. "Do you think it's ugly? Should be pick another color for Madison's room?"

Seth shook his head. "No, I don't think it's ugly; I think it's perfect for a _baby's _room. Not for the living room." He told her.

Summer waved her hand, and the paintbrush dismissively. "We can always paint over the living room." She pointed out. "I just want everything to be perfect for Madison."

Seth suddenly understood where her bizarre painting fit had come from: Summer's desire to be the perfect mother. She was so obsessed with being the mother that she was convinced Marissa would have been, to take perfect care of this child and keep her friend alive.

Seth closed the distance between them and pulled Summer to him, thankful that she had managed to keep the paintbrush out of the way. He kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Not everything has to be perfect, baby." He knew exactly what she was feeling, what she was going through because he felt the same way. This child meant so much more to both of them, more because it was all they had left of their best friends, their family and they could not loose her. "We'll figure this out together." Seth smiled slightly at her and brushed her dark hair away from her cheeks. "I promise."

Summer returned the smile gratefully and looked over at Madison, sleeping in her portable crib, and her smile grew wider. "You know," She looked back at Seth, "you're going to be a great father."

Seth was honestly touched by her comment. "I hope so." He remarked, looking at his daughter. _His _daughter, the words came so easily.

With a smile, Summer swatted at him playfully. "I know so." She assured her husband, using one of her favorite phrases. "Now help me clean this mess up." She suggested with the smile still on her face.

Grinning as well, Seth did as she asked, reveling in the tasks that were going to become part of his life as a father. Despite the changes that had upset his world over the past weeks, Seth knew that his life was about to change even more and he couldn't be more excited. Or more frightened. Or more overjoyed.

* * *

Summer stared at the stroller on the display carefully, kneeling down in order to study the wheels. Kirsten had never seen her daughter-in-law more methodic about checking anything before, not even her own makeup and it pleased her. Summer had changed a lot since meeting Seth years ago and it seemed that the changes were going to continue. She knew what the younger girl was going through, the things that became different when you had a child; makeup didn't matter as much anymore when it came to making sure that your child was safe and happy. And Kirsten could tell that those were the things on Summer's mind at that moment.

"Is it safe?" Summer was saying, more to herself then to Kirsten or the teenaged employee that had been stuck with helping the new mother in her shopping. She looked up. "There's no chance the wheels would come off? Or that brakes not working?" She looked at the young boy.

Kirsten smiled at the employee's surprise, but hid the grin beneath Madison, who was nestled in her arms. Summer stood up and smoothed her skirt, still staring at the employee, waiting for an answer. "Uh..." The boy mumbled, his eyes scanning the store, looking for assistance. "There's warranty." He wasn't sure that's what Summer was looking for, but that was the only answer he could provide her.

Thoughtfully, Summer retrieved her child from Kirsten and held the wiggling baby against her chest. "I guess that's all right." She mused. "I could always have Cohen check it when we get home." She nodded decisively. "This one's fine."

The employee seemed relieved and scurried off to get the model out of the storeroom. Summer studied the stroller on the display for a moment longer before she looked away, pleased with her purchase. "Coop's room needs wallpaper." She told her mother-in-law.

Kirsten stared at her, taken about by her statement. "What?" She questioned, thinking that maybe she hadn't heard right. Marissa was on her mind a lot lately, so it was possible that she had mistaken Summer's name for the baby. "Coop?"

Summer frowned slightly and looked almost embarrassed, studying the baby in her arms. "Her middle name is Cooper." She answered. "I guess it's sort of a habit. I miss having someone around to call Coop." She smiled faintly at Kirsten.

Kirsten rested her hand on her daughter-in-law's shoulder and squeezed sympathetically. "We all miss her." She told the girl truthfully. "It's going to be hard for a long time." Summer nodded. "But at least we have Madison."

Summer looked at her daughter, who appeared to be drifting off to sleep. "At least we have Madison." She repeated, her voice low. Kirsten could never understand how much the baby meant to her and how thankful she was to have her. She could never admit that she was glad Ryan had left town and left his child, otherwise she would have nothing to remind her of her best friend, of her childhood.

Kirsten gave her a faint smile. "Let's go pick out the wallpaper." She suggested, which seemed to be more then enough to snap Summer out of her reverie.

Together, they walked through the baby store until they reached the wall paper section, where Summer was surprised to see all the millions of styles that were available for a baby girl's room. She wished that Madison was old enough to pick her own style but she figured those years would come later when they could decorate her room together. Until then, she might as well embrace her decorating urges and go with what looked best to her.

After nearly thirty minutes of pacing and going through nearly forty books filled with wallpaper samples, Summer finally decided on a boarder of kittens playing with string, kittens playing in hats, kittens playing with other kittens. She figured you couldn't go wrong with kittens.

By that time, Madison had woke up from her impromptu nap and was getting a little cranky, so Summer decided it was time to call the shopping trip quits until another day. She rocked Madison and cooed all the lullaby songs she remember, trying to calm the baby as they waited in the checkout line.

The woman behind the counter grinned broadly when she saw the unhappy baby and Summer could tell she was one of those women that dropped everything in order to squeal over someone else's baby. "She's adorable." The checkout woman gushed right on cue, trying to decide if she wanted to chance asking to hold the baby.

"Thanks." Summer mumbled, somewhat tensely. Madison was hungry and she was she; she just wanted to get out of here and back home. She tried to avoid eye contact while Kirsten placed their purchases on the counter, hoping that would be the end of the baby compliments.

No such luck. "She's adorable." The woman continued, stressing every syllable of the word. "What's her name?"

"Madison." Summer answered, beginning to feel more proud then annoyed at the woman's words. She did have a very cute child.

The checkout woman nodded as she scanned the first purchase. "I love that name." She told Summer but the dark-haired girl couldn't tell if she meant it. "Very cute." She finished ringing them up, still smiling, as she told them their total, studying Madison and Summer. "She looks just like you; she has your eyes."

Summer wasn't quite sure how that was possible, but she was too taken aback by the woman's words to really think about it. People thought Madison really was her daughter, people even thought that they looked alike. That was the sort of thing they were supposed to say to Marissa because Madison had Marissa's eyes. Marissa's eyes and Ryan's nose.

Summer found that she could do nothing but gape at the woman, causing Kirsten to collect their purchases, thank the woman and usher mother and baby out of the store. It was only when they had reached the car and Summer realized she had to put Madison in her car seat that she seemed to recover.

"How can we look alike?" She questioned aloud as she slipped Madison into her brand new car seat. "It doesn't make any sense."

Kirsten slipped into the driver's seat, since Summer was too much of a new mother to sit anywhere but the backseat, beside her child. "Some people just say that stuff Summer." She told the girl. She understood why it bothered Summer, because she wanted Madison to, above all things, remind her of her best friend. And if people started to say that they saw none of Marissa in the child, then Marissa was simply slipping away.

"Right." Summer agreed, sitting in the seat beside Madison. "She looks like Marissa." Her words were off-handed as she looked at her daughter, tickling the baby's chest slightly. "Not like me."

Kirsten watched her daughter-in-law in the review mirror. "It's okay Summer." She said. "To let people tell you that you look like; it's all right to tell people she's your daughter. Marissa would be happy to know that Madison has such a great family."

Summer looked up and met Kirsten's eyes in the mirror. "I know." She sighed. "I just hope that we're the right family."

Kirsten backed the car into the parking lot. "All new mother's feel like that, Summer. Take it from me." She advised. "I spent the first week of Seth's life trying to figure out if Sandy and I would be good parents and if I should give him up for adoption." She laughed slightly at the memory, for it wasn't important now. Seth had turned into a handsome, wonderful young man and she knew that Madison was going to become a beautiful young woman as she years went by.

Summer smiled as well, as though she could sense what Kirsten was thinking. "You guys were great parents." She told Kirsten. "And Seth is a great father too." She looked down at Madison, who had fallen asleep in her car seat, rocked by the movement of the car.

Madison seemed to trust her, so Summer figured that it was all right to trust herself.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"Mommy!" Madison Cooper Cohen shrieked as she ran into her mother's clothing store as fast as her legs would carry her. "Mommy!" She breezed past several customers, who just rolled their eyes and smiled. Madison was quite a normal sight of those who frequented Summer Wear, the newest and quite successful clothing bouquet in Newport, which specialized in all types of seasonal wear, not just what the name implied.

Summer Cohen, who had been chatting with one of her frequent costumers and employees, Hailey Cooper, looked in her daughter's direction with a growing smile. The child threw her arms around her mother's waist and pressed her face against Summer's chest, bubbling with excitement.

Even though Madison was almost seven years old, Summer still scooped the child into her arms; she had her mother's petite frame and made it easy for Summer to hold her close. However, she doubted that she would be able to do that for much longer. Madison threw her arms around Summer's neck and smiled at the woman.

"Did you have a good day at school?" Summer questioned after giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek.

The girl nodded and managed to wiggle out of Summer's arms, dropping back to the floor and retrieving the Spiderman backpack she had tossed aside before colliding with her mother's legs. "I made this for you." She said, wrestling something out of the front pocket and handing it to her mother.

Summer smiled as she took the present, a paper turkey that had been decorated by her daughter with an odd assortment of macaroni noodles and wooden beads. "I love it." Summer told her daughter and, in truth, she did. She would never get tired of receiving the pictures that her daughter made nearly every day in her second grade class.

Madison smiled, proud of her artwork. "That's not the turkey we're going to eat, right Mom?" She questioned, eyeing her mother suspiciously.

Summer shook her head. "We would never eat your turkey." She assured her daughter. Now that Madison was old enough to understand and participate in holidays, other then Christmas, she mind was full of questions. She was convinced that every turkey they happened to see, whether it was real or not, was the turkey that was going to end up on their kitchen table in a matter of weeks.

Madison nodded, seeming reassured by her mother's words. She turned back to her backpack and went digging through again, pulling out an assortment of other Thanksgiving related pictures. She handed a picture of an ear of corn, half colored, half with real kernels messily glued down, to her Aunt Hailey, her mother's first employee. "I did this for you." She told the woman who was always a fixture in her life since she dropped by the Cohen household more often then she was at her own house.

Hailey thanked the child for the picture and studied it for a moment. Madison gave her attention back to her mother. "I made these for Grandpa Sandy and Grandma Kirsten." She told her, holding out wrinkled paper pilgrims. "They're pilgrims, they ate the first Thanksgiving."

Summer smiled and nodded thoughtfully, as though her daughter's words carried new information. "Really?" She acted impressed, though she was more interested to see what other kernels of wisdom her daughter would divulge. She wondered if her daughter was smarter then other children her age but quickly realized that all parents must feel that way; everyone was biased toward their own children and Summer understood why.

"Yep." Madison told her mother. "The pilgrims eated food to show that they liked being with their families and living in the woods." She explained. "They ate turkeys too."

Summer nodded once again and ruffled her daughter's honey-blonde hair. It was the only trait that Madison exhibited that couldn't be traced back to one of her 'parents' but people in New Port had long stopped looking and pointing out how the child was different from Seth and Summer. Madison was a Cohen, if not by blood then by everything else, and everyone in New Port had excepted that fact and moved onto other gossip.

"Speaking of family," Summer said, "where's your father?"

"Parking the car." Madison answered, scampering off behind the counter. She loved to sit in her mother's seat and open the cash register, taking out the quarters to spin on the wooden surface. Sometimes, her mom would even let her have some of the quarters to get gum from the machines out front.

As if on cue, Seth walked through the front door of Summer Wear, a smile on his face that was for his wife alone. Summer smiled back and their eyes met; in that short moment, they expressed their happiness that the work day was winding to an end and their hopes for an evening at home, soaking up the quiet hours together. Summer knew that no one in her life had been able to read and understand her like Seth could and she wouldn't trade those moments of silent understanding for anything in the world.

Seth pulled his wife into his arms and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Hey baby." He greeted before stepping away once more, ducking away from the prying eyes of the customers. He looked at his aunt. "Hey Hailey, how's it going?"

"Your wife is a slave driver." Hailey answered good-naturedly. "But I'm sure you know all about that." She went off behind the counter as well, where Madison was punching buttons on the cash register and attempting to ring up one of the customers.

Madison looked at her aunt as the woman attempted to scoop her off her seat. "Aunt Hailey," She said in the patronizing tone that only children seemed to have, "I'm with a costumer."

Hailey smiled. "Well, excuse me." She said, before proceeding to ring up the purchase of the woman on the opposite side of the counter. The woman, who was one of the Cohens neighbors, was telling the young girl what a good saleswoman she was. Madison was a focal point for all the older women that frequented the store, because she reminded them of their distant grandchildren; Madison allowed these woman to dote on her and pinch her cheeks because they often gave her candy. And anyone who had candy to share was a great person in her book.

With her job at the cash register taken over, Madison quickly lost interest and hurried back to her parents; Seth was telling Summer little details about how his day had been, nothing of interest to the young girl. Though, she figured she was luckier then most of the kids in her class who had parents that did nothing but talk about work and how miserable it made them. At least her dad never whined about what he did for a living; in fact, he so rarely talked about it that Madison couldn't even remember what he did. All she knew was that her father worked with her Grandma Kirsten and made enough money for the family to live 'comfortably', as her mother said over and over again.

Seth scooped his daughter into his arms and kissed her cheek; Madison smiled, ever the daddy's girl that she had been raised to be. As Seth looked at his only child, he found it hard to believe that the girl wasn't really his, that they shared no blood. That thought rarely crossed his mind, however, for he had spent the last seven years of his life raising the perfect daughter and it was impossible for Madison to be anything but his child.

"Did you tell Mommy what you told me in the car?" Seth questioned his daughter, who instantly screwed her face into an expression of intense concentration. "About what happened at school today?" He prompted, hoping to help the girl's memory along.

Summer looked at Madison expectantly, interested to hear what would come out of her daughter's mouth. As soon as Seth had spoken, Madison's face brightened, her memory jogged. "We're going a pageant!" The young girl practically squealed. "A Thanksgiving one. I get to be the Indian princess."

Even though Summer couldn't remember any Indian princesses in the Thanksgiving plays she had done in her elementary school years, she became an excited mother upon hearing Madison's words. She could finally be the mother that sat in the front row of the auditoriums with her video camera in one hand, waving at her child up on stage. She could finally be the mother that called her friends over to the house to watch the video of her child's performance and nothing made Summer more excited. "That's great honey." She told her daughter, smiling broadly.

Seth let Madison slid back down to the floor and the girl hopped around excitedly. "I have to get a costume." She informed her seamstress mother. "One that's better then Mindy Fisher's!"

Seth couldn't help but roll his eyes; it was funny how grudges seemed to pass from parent to child without verbal prompting. Holly Fisher had gotten pregnant by a man she couldn't remember -it had been a drunk night in Tijuana- shortly after Marissa's death and her daughter was in Madison's second grade class. Both girls despised each other and were carrying out the war that had been suspended during their parents' junior year of high school. Seth figured it shouldn't be all that surprised; this was New Port, after all. Things rarely changed.

"It'll be ten times better then Mindy Fisher's." Summer promised and Seth could see that familiar light sparkle in her eyes. It was just like his wife to want to best one of her high school rivals, even if she was doing so through her daughter. All was fair in war, Seth knew, especially in New Port. He just hoped that his wife and Holly Fisher didn't get the chance to butt heads in public.

Madison jumped in delight, clapping her hands together. "I'll be the best princess." She declared to everyone in the store. "And when everyone sees Mindy's costume they'll say 'ew' and hate her."

Seth laughed and shot his wife a raised eyebrow look; obviously Summer's resentment toward Holly Fisher hadn't been all that silent. Summer gave him an innocent smile and acted as though she had no idea what her husband's look was supposed to entail. Rolling his eyes, Seth looked away from Summer and studied his family with a growing sense of pride. He doubted that there had ever been a happier or luckier man.

* * *

Summer had seen _The Lion King _so many times in the past seven years that she found herself flawlessly singing about how "Hakuna Matata" meant 'no worries' as she went through her shop's records for the day. Even though she had started Summer Wear five years ago, it was still hard for her to believe that she actually had a successful clothing line, let alone a store that hadn't gone belly-up standing next to American Eagle and Aeroposle. Every night when she went over the inventory and sales records of the day, she was reminded once again just how her life had seemed to work out the way she had always hoped. Though it was true, she had lost her best friend years ago and it was a friendship that Summer had never been able to replace or even come close to doing so, she was thankful that she had at least one piece of Marissa to help her stay afloat in New Port society. Though Madison was no longer just a part of Marissa; Madison was her daughter, the light of her life, half her reason for living. Marissa was nothing but a memory, a wistful smile every once and a while, her beautiful teenage friend in her photo album. Life had gone on, just as it always did.

Seth entered the master bedroom, which he knew every angle and corner of after having helped his mother design the house after joining the New Port Group shortly after accepting guardianship for Madison, and smiled at his wife. Summer didn't look up when he entered, continuing about her new problem-free philosophy as though she didn't even notice his presence.

"That's good baby." Seth said with a wiry grin, causing his wife to look up. "You should try out for _American Idol_."

Summer waved her hand dismissively. "Please, I doubt I'd get very far singing old Disney songs." Besides, she was never the one to get caught up in the reality television craze, especially not when it came to a show that had been around when she had been a teenager. Didn't people ever get tired of people trying to be the next Diana DeGarmo?

Seth flopped onto the king sized bed, upsetting his wife's files and resting his head in her lap. "Your daughter is just full of questions today." He remarked, yawning. He looked at the dark-haired woman. "She must get that from you."

Summer rolled her eyes. "Please. She gets her constant mouth from you." She tapped Seth's nose lightly with the sheet of paper in her hand. It was true, Madison had become more and more talkative later, constantly relating some event or story, even if it came from a Disney movie, or asking whatever question could come to mind. Maybe it was just the age but Summer was already eager for it to stop; it was nearly eleven thirty and it appeared that her husband had just gotten their daughter to sleep. And that made for a very cranky Madison in the mornings.

Seth grinned at her, sitting up and kissing his beautiful wife. Summer smiled as well, abandoning her files and slipping her arms around her husband's shoulders. She found it hard to believe that there had ever been a time in her life when she hadn't been in love with Seth Cohen. It just seemed possible, judging by how much she loved him; it was as though she had been in love with him her entire life. And that was just fine with Summer.

"Do you think everyone else is as happy as we are?" Seth questioned once the kiss was broken, looking at his wife. "Because I find it hard to believe that everyone has a beautiful wife and a perfect daughter."

Summer smiled and shook her head. "No, we're definitely the lucky ones." She told herself this every day, every morning when she woke up. She didn't need Seth to tell her how lucky she was to have a loving husband like him and the epitome of the perfect daughter.

Throughout her entire life, Summer had always managed to convince herself that she was happy when she was anything but. She made herself believe that she was smiling when there were tears running down her cheeks and that she had found true love with whatever jock she had on her arm at the moment. She thought she was happy; she lived in New Port, after all, everyone was happy.

But Summer knew how wrong she had been. Seth had showed her that she didn't need to smile when she wanted to cry and had made her understand just what true love really was. Summer knew that she was happy now, with the family she had always wanted, with the man of her dreams and a daughter she fell more and more in love with every day.

After her miserable upbringing and horrid teenage years, Summer figured that she deserved her happy ending. Didn't everyone? But she knew that the answer to that question was no; all she had to do was think back to her best friend and realize that not everyone woke up every morning with a thousand reasons to smile.

And so, Summer wondered if her happiness was destined to last. A quick look at Seth brushed those thoughts out of her head quickly. Her husband loved her and her daughter and would do anything for them. That was happiness right there and that would never change.

_So, sorry it's been so long since I've updated, it's been craziness over here. Thank you so much for all the great reviews! It means so much to everyone is loving this story; I'm happy to write it. Keep those reviews up and I'll try and have the next chapter in a shorter amount of time. Thanks again!_


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Ryan didn't think he had ever seen any place as beautiful as New Port Beach during autumn. And, over the past seven years, he had been to a lot of places. But no matter where he had made his home throughout the past years, New Port still remained the most beautiful place and the one place that he suddenly wanted to be. Ryan found it almost amusing that he had spent almost eight years running from New Port only to desire its beauty and its people more then anything in the world. Oh how things seemed to have changed.

Though, as he walked slowly down the leaf-covered sidewalks, it didn't appear that much had changed at all. Every shop he passed still catered only to the rich and fabulous, the store fronts glittering with gold colored lining and the awnings perfectly washed and mended. The harbor had looked exactly the same as well, with yachts bobbing in the waves, though Ryan had noticed the absence of the only boat that had ever meant anything in his life.The _Summer Breeze _hadn't been tied at the dock but Ryan had to force himself not to take that as a bad omen; a lot of things could have happened in eight years, especially to a small boat.

And so, Ryan was expending his energy searching for a person as opposed to a boat. Though his reluctance to even be in New Port and be searching for his family caused his feet to fall heavy against the sidewalk, slowing his speed and giving him plenty of time to change his mind and head back to whatever state he was going to be living in next.

But Ryan forced his feet along, commanded himself to keep walking. Everything was so familiar, every street, every store, every aspect of New Port reminded him of the life he had once had. The life that he hadn't been born into but had spent many years growing into, appreciating and reaping as though it had been his own. Without Marissa, without the love of his life, that life meant little now and a part of him despised being in New Port without her. It was she who deserved to be enjoying the crisp fall air, it was she who should be admiring the beauty of the changing leaves as she walked down the sidewalks. He had no business being here, not without her.

And, somehow, Ryan knew that was why he had returned, to remind himself of Marissa, though rarely a second went by that he didn't think of her. He was also there to get the part of him he had left behind, the one piece of him he should have never been without. It had taken him almost eight years to realize that; it had taken him almost eight years to realize that he was ready for a daughter, for the one physical part of Marissa that he had left.

Ryan had spent as many hours of every day thinking about the child he had left behind as he did thinking about the woman that had left him. As the years went on, he cursed himself for ever having been so stupid, for blaming his child, _his _daughter for the death of her beautiful mother. How could he further push away Marissa by forsaking his daughter?

Though it had taken him many years to get this far, to return to this place, Ryan knew in the depths of his heart that he was ready to return, that he was ready in New Port once again. He couldn't begin to imagine what had happened without him, how his family had grown and changed; he tried to imagine his parents, tried to imagine what Kirsten and Sandy Cohen were doing now, what they had made of their lives since he had been gone. And it was even harder to imagine what his brother had been doing, how Seth was getting along; he didn't doubt that he was still with Summer and he wondered if they had any children. Seth had always wanted a big family and Ryan knew his adopted brother would be a good father.

The kind of father that Ryan hoped the be. He hoped that he wasn't too late, even though he knew that eight years was a long time. Where was his daughter now? Was she happy, safe and healthy? Did she know what had become of her mother? Did she miss her father? Or was she being raised by strangers as their daughter, unaware that she had another family? Ryan didn't want to think too much about the life that his daughter had been living without him; he didn't want to think about her with another family.

Ryan had come to New Port to make things right, to get his daughter and start his new life. With his family.

* * *

"Your mother will pick you up from school today." Seth told his squirming daughter, who was trying to wrench out of his hands as Summer pulled at the tangles in the young girl's blonde hair. "Madison, are you listening to me?"

Madison whimpered as Summer managed to pull the brush through her hair, held fast by her father's hands. "Yes." She answered with a sigh, stopping in her struggles. "After school."

Seth nodded. "I've got to go." He kissed his daughter on the nose. "I love you, princess."

Madison grabbed her father's wrist. "Butterfly kisses." She reminded the man. "You forgot butterfly kisses."

Seth grinned. "How could I forget butterfly kisses?" He feigned shock and leaned closer to his daughter. Father and daughter fluttered their eyelashes, Madison's favorite morning and evening ritual that both her parents cherished as well. Satisfied, Madison smiled at her father; Seth smiled as well, standing and leaning over his daughter to kiss her mother a kiss. "I'll call you when I get to work." He promised Summer once the kiss was broken.

"Okay. Have a good day." Summer kissed him again, lightly.

Seth headed toward the front door, leaving his wife and daughter behind to begin the parts of their days that he couldn't be a part of. He wished more then anything that he could keep Summer and Madison with him always, to know everything that happened to them in daylight hours but knew that it was impossible. He also knew how lucky he was not to be one of those husbands who spent more time in the office then he did with his family; every night he went to bed beside his wife and woke up beside her every morning and knew that he couldn't have been happier. And every morning he helped his daughter make her lunch and every night he read her countless bedtime stories and he knew he was one of the luckiest men in the world. Seth was more thankful then he could ever express that he had a job that was flexible and a mother that understood just how important family was. Kirsten Cohen would never overwork her son and keep him away from dinner with his family; she would never force him to file reports for The New Port Group when he should be tucking his daughter into bed.

Once Seth had left the house, Summer was faced with the task of brushing her daughter's hair without the assistance of her husband, who was often necessary when it came to holding down the squeamish child. Madison had Marissa's constantly curly hair and the tangled locks were constantly a problem.

Madison leapt off the kitchen table, surprising her mother and tearing off for the living room. Summer tossed the hair brush aside and shook her head, too amused with her daughter to be mad at the child; she wouldn't want someone pulling at her hair for twenty minutes either so she knew where Madison was coming from.

Summer headed into the living room and smiled when she saw her daughter hiding beneath one of the throw pillows on the couch. "Come on, sweetie, it's time for school." She said.

Madison slowly lifted her head, the pillow tumbling to the ground and she regarded her mother quizzically. "No more brushing?"

"No more brushing." Summer assured the girl.

Reassured, Madison scrambled off the couch and hurried over to her mother, throwing her arms around Summer's legs. "Will you work on my costume today?" She pleaded with childishly wide eyes. "_Please_."

"Sure, honey." Summer promised her daughter. "I'll work on it. Now hurry and get your backpack or we're going to be late."

Madison hurried to her room to retrieve her backpack and returned to the living room before her mother had even retrieved the keys to the car. Together, mother and daughter headed out of the house and toward the car, ready to begin the new day ahead of them.

* * *

Throughout the course of the day, Ryan had spent his hours wandering around the place that had once been his home, pulling up old memories and trying to make sense of the barrage of emotions coursing through his body. At times, it was difficult to believe that Marissa was not here with him, that he wouldn't just turn around and see her hurrying to catch up with him. It was difficult, perhaps the most difficult thing he'd ever done in his entire life, but Ryan somehow managed to continue down the streets.

At some point during the afternoon, he wound up new Harbor Elementary, a school that he had never had the privilege of attending. Children were rushing out of the double doors and down the stone steps, laughing gleefully as another school day came to an end; they were running to their parents or chasing their friends through a leafy courtyard. Ryan paused and watched as the young children ran around laughing, enjoying New Port fall and New Port life. He felt a pang in his heart to realize that he should be one of the parents picking up his child; he should be collecting his daughter, listening to her tell him about her day. Soon, Ryan promised himself, soon he would be one of those parents.

As Ryan watched, he let his eyes scan across the sidewalk, watching younger children as they hurried toward their parents, not pretending to be too cool for hugs as the older children did. He smiled faintly as he watched a five year old boy hurry to his father, his plastic Power Rangers lunchbox banging against his knee. The father scooped his son into his arms, ruffling his sandy blonde hair. Ryan wondered if his beautiful wife had survived if he would have a son as well as a daughter, a perfect family with a loving wife and perfect children. It wasn't something he wanted to give himself a lot of time to think about because Marissa wasn't alive and wishing for things to be different would do nothing but destroy his heart again.

Once the father and son had disappeared, Ryan found something else to occupy his attention. His mouth almost dropped open when his eyes settled on a striking raven-haired woman that he would recognize anywhere; even though he knew Summer Cohen on sight, he still found it hard to believe that he was actually seeing his friend.

Though it had been eight years since the last time Ryan had seen her, Summer still looked exactly the same; her jet-black hair fell down her back in curls, framing her soft, yet sharp face which seemed to have gotten a little kinder in the years. Down to her outfit, which was still expensive and expertly chosen, Summer was the same girl he had known since moving to New Port during his teenage years.

Ryan wanted more then anything to hurry to his friend and demand a detailed account of the lives he had missed but he forced himself to remain where he was, watching his wife's best friend for a while longer. Summer had yet to notice him, her gaze focused on the courtyard, a smile already fixed on her face. Ryan felt a small surge of joy to know that Seth and Summer were indeed parents, raising a brood, no doubt, of comic book and fashion obsessed little children.

As Ryan watched, Summer's smile grew wider and she knelt, opening her arms wide in order to wrap them around the girl that was running her way. Though he was expecting to see Summer with a child, he was once again taken by surprise by the sight that greeted his eyes. The child running into Summer's arms was a slender blonde child, almost eight years old, with unmistakable facial features. Ryan felt his mouth go dry as he saw the girl smile, a smile that was almost identical to that of the woman he had lost years ago. Her eyes, her nose, her cheek bones, they all belonged to Marissa. Was it possible? Was it even possible that his brother and sister-in-law had taken on his daughter as their own?

Summer wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled Madison against her chest, kissing her on the top of the head. "How was your day, honey?" She questioned once Madison had wrestled away from her grip.

"I had to go to time out." Madison admitted, gazing at the sidewalk in shame. She wished that her mother would always think of her as the perfect child who never did anything wrong, but it was even harder to lie to her mother, which explained the sudden outpouring of truth.

Summer raised an eyebrow. "Why?" She questioned, trying to figure out if she even had the heart to punish her daughter. Madison seemed apologetic already and she hadn't even heard the crime that her child had committed. It was too early to begin passing judgment.

Madison refused to look up. "I threw a bottle of glue at Mindy Fisher." She answered. "Because she said my costume was going to be ugly."

Summer narrowed her eyes. "Well, Mindy Fisher is wrong." She answered, any thoughts of punishing Madison leaving her mind. "Because your mother would not let you have an ugly costume."

Nodding, reassured once again, Madison looked up at her mother with a growing smile. Summer smiled back and got to her feet, taking her daughter's hand. "Just, promise me you won't throw glue at Mindy Fisher anymore, okay." She said and Madison nodded. After a second had paused, Summer looked at her daughter with a devious smile. "Did you hit her?"

Madison nodded once again, a devilish smile on her face. "Yes, right in the face."

Summer ruffled her daughter's hair. "That's my girl." She took Madison's hand and turned toward her car.

And that was when she noticed Ryan Atwood for the first time in eight years. And he was staring back at her, watching her with the intensity that hadn't left his eyes since he was a teenager. The years had not been too kind to Ryan, or perhaps it was the loss of his wife that had caused his face to grow haggard, his eyes to grow dim and his expressions to become stony.

Summer and Ryan locked eyes and Summer could read the thoughts going through his mind, could see the truth reflecting in his eyes. She knew why he had returned to New Port, knew what his sudden presence was going to mean. Her life was about to be turned upside down, one way or another. And Ryan just affirmed her beliefs in the way that he stared first at her and then at her daughter. _Her _daughter.

Madison tugged on her hand, catching Summer's attention and pulling it away from Ryan. "What's the matter, Mommy?" She questioned.

"Nothing." Summer answered, though there was little conviction in her voice. Turning her attention back to Ryan, she pulled Madison into her arms, certain that was she doing to gesture solely to show possession. To let Ryan know that Madison was her child and there was no way he was going to take her. Madison wrapped her arms around her neck and buried her face in Summer's black hair.

Ryan watched as Summer walked away, toward her car that she had parked along side the sidewalk. He couldn't begin to make sense of the feelings that he had coursing through his body, twisting his heart and making him feel pain unlike he had felt in years. He couldn't quite explain the betrayal that he felt at the moment, couldn't even try to put it into words.

His family, his only family, appeared to be no longer his.


End file.
